Book Notes - The Coaching Habit by Michael Bungay Stanier

Buy this book here.

Book in One Sentence

A very practical and easy to read book detailing seven questions that can be used to coach people; emphasises the need to talk less (don't give advice) and be more curious (ask more questions). 

The Five Big Ideas / What Stood Out

1 - Seven Essential Questions for Coaching

There are seven essential questions for coaching which I’ve listed below. Each question has a chapter devoted to it in the book.

1. What’s on your mind? (The Kickstart Question)

2. And what else? (The AWE Question)

3. What’s the real challenge for you here? (The Focus Question)

4. What do you want? (The Foundation Question)

5. How can I help? (The Lazy Question)

6. If you’re saying Yes to this, what are you saying No to? (The Strategic Question)

7. What was most useful for you? (The Learning Question)

2 - Does this problem actually require solving?

In organisations we are conditioned to quickly come up with solutions, to quickly solve problems. That’s why it can feel unnatural to not have the answers, to ask questions instead.

When we jump in with an answer, to solve a problem without first asking more questions, we can end up solving something that doesn’t need to be solved.

Organisations often devote hundreds of hours and large amounts of amounts of money to solving problems that don’t matter, which can leave the real challenges unsolved. After reading this book, I found myself continually thinking, “Does this problem actually need to be solved?”

3 - Needs and Wants

It’s important to think beyond wants, when someone wants help, what is the need behind their want?

There are nine self-explanatory universal needs:

1. Affection

2. Creation

3. Recreation

4. Freedom

5. Identity

6. Understanding

7. Participation

8. Protection

9. Subsistence

When a colleague is asking for help or a manager is venting, think about what the need could be…

4 - Risk and Reward Response

The brain likes to feel safe, it leads to more sophisticated thinking. Five times a second, unconsciously, the brain is scanning the environment, asking, “Is it safe here? Or is it dangerous?”

Ideally, you want people to see a situation as rewarding and to do that, you influence four primary drivers:

• Tribe: are you with me or against me?

• Expectation: do I know the future or don’t I?

• Rank: are you more important or less important than I am?

• Autonomy: do I get a say or don’t I?

The above drivers will influence how someone sees a situation. As a leader, or even when engaging with fellow employees, it is recommended to increase the TERA quotient wherever possible. It benefits you and it benefit others.

5 - My Favourite Questions

Out of all of the questions, I had two favourites.

“If you’re saying yes to this, what are you saying no to?” (The Strategic Question).

This question can help protect against a form of bias known as prospect theory.

“...prospect theory, tells us that loss and gain are not measured equally.

Losing $100, say, feels worse than gaining $100 feels good.”

The benefit of asking the strategic question is that it forces us to think about what we may be holding on to and what we should let go.

My second favourite question was:

“What was most useful for you?” (The Learning Question).

I thought this question would be a great way for leaders to end their one-on-one discussions. One-on-one discussions often become a run through of everyone’s to-do list. I think there should always be a part of the one-on-one which relates to development, by asking this question, it will help you to understand what is of value for your employees.

Key takeaway for me and my life

I am trying to be more deliberate about asking questions, even if I think I know the answers.